you know, i didn't write much this summer. well, i did. just not really in the form of blogging. i didn't want to remember this summer. i didn't want to remember the crippling pain that overtook me every time i opened my eyes. i didn't want to remember the way that it hurt ten times worse when i kept them closed.
but now, looking back, i wish i'd documented. because now i'm desperate. grasping on to every last shred of those memories because hell, they were good ones. i miss them. long summer days spent on the playground. the nights that were ten times better. the ones where my three best friends would lay under the stars and talk. the only people who truly mattered to me.
it's killing me now, knowing that two of those people are away from me.
senior year is hell. i'm going to be honest there. and this last weekend, with my days spent in columbia. seeing where i will be living next year, where i'll be going to school both next year and then two years from now. it's made what should be the sweet taste of senior year about ten times more bitter. college is what i'm looking forward to. freedom. friends. maybemaybemaybe a lot of smiling.
sunday night was one of those nights that i don't want to forget. spending time with my best friends. not really doing anything except being with each other. playing tag. talking. having extremely inappropriate conversations about vampires (trust me you don't want to know!). it was one of those nights that was absolutely perfect.
sometimes (more like all the time, really) i think i'm two seperate people. or at least, the same person with two layers. there's the me that everyone sees. the shy, timid girl that worries about everything. and then there's the real me. the happy, outgoing girl that i love. the one that shines through when i'm around people who love and care about me.
i wish i knew how to show that girl to more people.
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you are wonderful.
ReplyDeletedon't let anyone bring you down.