i need space so i can breathe:

Healthy healthy healthy.

I'll be healthy. So what if I don't need you anymore. So what? I can't let people to that to me anymore. I can't let people push me around. I can't put the needs of others in front of my own anymore. I have to let myself be me. And yeah, well, maybe sometimes even I don't know who that is. But that's what I'm trying to figure out.

And I certainly don't need people like you pushing me into something else. It's like you all fucking have a mold and I don't fit into that. I can't fit in to that. I don't want to conform into something like you. You're the kind of person I hate.

I want to be myself. The true, genuine me that Malissie, Brandi, and Dennis got to know this summer. And you fucking say that I never let you know about what I was going through this summer. What I was feeling. But really, if I would have, would you have listened?

Probably not. Probably not because even if you could, for once, untangle yourself from your fucking boyfriend, you probably would have never listened. Would have never cared. You never wanted to know the real me. And I was never myself around you. I molded into who you needed me to be, and I can't do that anymore.

I can't handle it. I'm falling apart at the seams right now. They'd notice. They'd see the sudden change in me. They'd see the way I look and feel like a zombie. Emotionless. Numb. On the brink of falling apart one more time. But you don't notice. You don't care. How many times to I have to say, "I'm dying" before you listen. Before you believe me.

I hate you.

I hate that you can't see this. And I hate that it's really not your fault. I never let you see the true me and sure, you would never know what 'falling apart' looks like.

I don't need you anymore. I need them. And the sucky thing is that they're not here anymore. But even then, they still care ten thousand times more than you ever will.