Books:

I've decided to revive this old blog, mainly for book reviewing purposes. Hopefully I can read enough in the next few weeks to get this up and going.

Book Talk: The Infernal Devices Series by Cassandra Clare

Review to come.

Book Talk: Pandemonium by Lauren Oliver

*This post contains spoilers. If you intend on reading either Delirium or Pandemonium, please quit reading now* 

Delirium by Lauren Oliver was the first book I read in 2011 (I think) and was also the first book that I ever read that was set in Dystopian setting. And needless to say, I loved it. Delirium pulled me up and down and screwed with my heart in a wonderful way that made me both happy and sad even when I finished the book. Like, I am not kidding. I bawled for a week over what happened at the end of Delirium, and I bitched about it for the year that followed. It was kind of pathetic, really. 

So, yesterday the day comes that the second book in this wonderful trilogy comes out. And so I rushed to Barnes & Noble to secure my copy. Only to find that Barnes & Noble didn't have any copies. Nor did Target or Walmart or the Mizzou Bookstore. Go figure. Despite upgrading to a town that actually has a bookstore, I still find myself in the same place as I did when I lived in Hannibal. Anyway. This book is called Pandemonium and it's by Lauren Oliver.

Pande-break-my-heart more like. Fuck.

I waited for a year for this book to come out. I read Delirium mid-February last year, and every day since then I've been ecstatic about this book coming out. Except for yesterday. When I finally got my hands on it (a free copy from a file sharing website, but I'll be sure to pay for the book whenever Barnes & Noble decides to GET THEIR SHIT TOGETHER), I was terrified. What if the things that I've been hoping for with this book turn out to not be true? What if - the worst possible thing - Alex is REALLY, REALLY dead?

But regardless, I devoured this book in a little over four hours. The book is darker than Delirium, and lacks the hopeful, light feel of it. Pandemonium is set in two time periods, with alternating chapters saying "then" and "now". And as much as I loved feeling like I was reading two books at once, it made the book utterly impossible to put down since almost every chapter ended on a cliff-hanger.

In the "then" chapters, we pick up shortly after we left off in Delirium with Lena grieving over the death of Alex and being "reborn" into the Wilds. She's quickly found by a group of Invalids - Raven, Hunter, Tack, Sarah, Blue, Lu, etc. - who bring her into the family and after awhile, force her into living again. The main action of the "then" section doesn't happen until it's nearly winter and they're packing up to leave their homestead. The homestead is bombed and they're forced to leave without being entirely prepared - thus losing Blue and Miyako in the process of moving to their new home. I enjoyed this section of the book, but my real love of the book comes from the "now" chapters, which are much more exciting.

It's not clear how long has passed between the "then" and "now" chapters. I'm thinking only a matter of months, but it's not clear either way. But Lena is now living as a "cured" in New York City and is a spy for the revolution. She attends meetings of the DFA - Deliria-Free America - and attends a rally with Raven and Tack. She's given instructions to follow Julian Foreman - the president of DFA's son - at all costs. So when the Scavengers - Invalids who don't stand for love - attack and Julian is taken, she's taken as well and locked in an underground cell with Julian.

She spends awhile (a couple days? hours? it wasn't clear) in the cell with Julian getting to know him/ falling in love with him/ hating him until the Scavengers end up taking Julian and beating him in an attempt to get him to talk. Lena comes up with a plan to escape and they act on it, eventually leading them through the tunnels and to a homestead with Julian, where they are eventually caught. Julian is taken into custody by the real police, while Lena is taken by the freedom fighters and she learns that the whole thing was a set-up. Oh, and that the "police officer" that she was captured by is her mother - except she doesn't learn that until after she's gone, of course.

So Lena leaves the rebels and goes back into the city in an attempt to save Julian from his execution. Which includes her breaking into Thomas Foreman's house and discovering his secret library - which gives her the book that lets her know about her mother - and breaking into the lab where Julian is scheduled to die. At the last moment, Raven and the other rebels break in as well and kill Thomas Foreman and the regulators, thus saving Julian's life. Raven, Tack, Lena, and Julian are taken back to the homestead, where Lena admits to Julian that she loves him and promises to be with him forever.

The book ends on a cliffhanger (!!!!) as a boy who has just escaped from the Portland prison comes into the room, and turns out to be (of course) Alex (!!!! ALEX!!! YOU'RE ALIVE!!!) who Lena describes as appearing "hardened". His tone while he says "Don't believe her" is confusing. I wasn't sure if he was 1. angry at Lena for leaving him or 2. angry/jealous of Lena and Julian. Either way. I was thrilled. Because ALEX. Alex is my #1 book crush.

So overall, I give this book 5 out of 5 stars. And I can't wait until Requiem, which comes out in February 2013 (WHY? WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO ME?) to find out what happens to Lena, Julian, and Alex in our typical young-adult love triangle relationship.

And in case it isn't totally obvious, I'm Team Alex.

an open letter to the sixteen year old me:

Below is a post from when I was sixteen years old with comments from me at twenty:

i'm not the type of girl that would be considered 'beautiful'. (You're very beautiful. You have an amazing smile and pretty eyes. And your laugh can transform a room. I know, because now I can see that) i'm not the girl that can crawl into bed and fall asleep. (Well, you never really tried that hard. Wait until you're in college while working thirty hours a week. Then we'll talk about sleeping.) i'm not the ditzy girl my father thinks i am. (One day, you won't care what your "father" thinks of you. You'll realize that you have a Dad, and you don't have to visit him every other weekend, either.) i'm not the straight a student that my mother wishes from me. (No, and you likely never will be. But you're capable of it. And so much more.) i'm not a good best friend. (Yes, you are. It's not your fault that your high school friends didn't appreciate the person that you were/are. You'll get better friends in college who make you feel valuable. Just remember that.) i have trouble listening. (It's possible that you're never going to get over that one, sorry. I've been trying, I swear.) i get distracted too easily. (Yeah, that'll never change either.) i walk into doors and walls too much. (Or this.) i obsess over bands and hold them close to heart. (I'm sure you'll never believe this but there's going to be a time in your life when you realize your parents were right. New music sucks. And the music you once loved won't be as important. And I'm going to save you a lot of heartache, sixteen year old me, and just tell you that Fall Out Boy goes on hiatus, The Academy Is... breaks up, Ryan Ross leaves Panic! at the Disco, and Cobra Starship really started to blow around their third album) i watch too much tv and spend too much time online. (Yeah. And you haven't met Gossip Girl or Netflix yet. Or wireless internet. I'm so sorry.) i'm terrible at spanish but decent in html. (You only get better at html. I can't say the same for Spanish. Or French. Or Latin. You know, we really suck at languages) i have trouble getting my mind to shut up. (I'm sorry about that. It's not getting any better.) i'm not the poster child for perfect skin. (I'd like to tell you that it clears up, but I have a mountain on my cheek right now. I'm so sorry) i'm not sporty like my brother. (Meh. Maybe you'll never be a baseball player or love soccer, but you're getting to be really good at Just Dance 2 for Wii.) i'm not girly like my cousins. (I know this sounds crazy. But one day - around the time when you're twenty - you'll have more "girly" clothes than band shirts. I know. I know. But you'll realize that frumpy tees don't do your body much justice. Just you wait.) i don't do drugs. (And you still don't) i don't smoke (Still don't do that either. And you won't. EVER.), i don't drink (Okay. So. I hate to break it to you, sixteen year old me, but drinking is kind of awesome. We're a really fun drunk). i'm not pretty and popular. (You're actually really pretty. And one day you'll look back at high school and realize that it didn't. fucking. matter.) i hate shopping. (You'll probably never like clothes shopping. But one day you'll find the wonder of having a Barnes and Noble a mere five miles from your house. And that, my dear self, is when you'll come to love shopping. You'll also meet a girl named Cara Bigelow who will take you into a makeup store for an hour. Don't question it, because she'll turn out to be your best friend.) i'm stubborn and selfish. (Not really.) i never listen. (Shut your mouth and stop talking back to your mother. You'll miss her like crazy one day.) i make mistakes too much. (You'll come to realize that your mistakes are probably the best stories you have to tell.) my grammar is bad and so is my spelling. (And ironically, you became an English major. That's really funny.) i'm immature. (At sixteen, yeah. And that's okay. You're much better at twenty. Except for the My Little Pony thing.) i have trouble making goals and even more trouble sticking to them. (Not always true.) 

about things:

Gah, I suck.

I keep meaning to write in this thing. I keep meaning to act like it matters and record the thoughts that flow through my head. Because I have them. And they have meaning and worth and I need to record them.

I never did a post on 2011 because it was too hard to remember the year. Most of the year I had was spent with this dark, horrible cloud of grieving over my head. I'm only just now beginning to see the light again. I'm nowhere near done missing my grandma (the truth is, I'll never be), nor am I done being depressed. This thing is a cycle for me. I'm never going to be completely better, but in the same sense, I'll never be completely broken again, either.

conversions with a best friend:

infiniteeee: omg wtf it's midnight
infiniteeee: i have to go to bed
youretheglacier: =(
infiniteeee: as effie trinket would say, i have a big big day tomorrow!
infiniteeee: ...anyway
infiniteeee: g'night
youretheglacier: ELIZABETHBANKS
infiniteeee: y'all.
infiniteeee: can i start talking like a texan now
infiniteeee: y'all.
youretheglacier: ohh honey you dont even know
infiniteeee: Y'ALL GO DOWN TO BED NOW Y'HERE?
youretheglacier: and when you say that in texas, we just shoot you
infiniteeee: goodnight woof.
youretheglacier: also it's *hear you ignorant midwestern
youretheglacier: BYE

our hearts are heavy:

One day, I might forget what your laugh sounded like. Or the way you smiled. Or the sound of your voice. I might forget what it felt like to have you hold me or the irritation I always felt when you wouldn't let me off the phone. I, someday, may not remember the panic that used to set in from a middle of the night phone call, or the dread that would settle in my stomach each time we'd have to call an ambulance to pull you out from a reaction. But Mamaw, I will never forget you.

You would have been sixty-five years old today. Last year, Mom and I celebrated by coming to your house with presents. This year we celebrated by taking flowers to your grave. It's funny how things could change in an instant, isn't it? You used to always tell me to be sure I told people that I loved them, because they could go at any time. I never thought you would prove me right. But the last things I told you were that I love you, and the last thing you told me was that you loved me the mostest.

You also used to tell me about how you hated that people didn't come visit you, even though I did. And Cede did. And Bretta, Royce, my mom, my uncle. You used to tell me that one day we'd come in and find you dead. Quite the opposite, really. You died surrounded by family that loved you. You died when I was there. And I'm both happy and sad that I was there with you, because I know that you would have wanted me there.

You were right about so many things, and I realize that now. Even if it took losing you to understand it. You taught me so much, and you were always there to hold my hand or help me through any tough time. I hope that I helped through yours, too. I hope that, whatever happens after death and wherever you are, you know that I love you. The mostest.