i'll kiss your neck but i just can't look you in the eye:

I've been thinking a lot lately. Mostly about my depression, and the way it's affected me. The way I let it take over me, and the way I lost some good friends because of it. I was just writing a character that is very similar to me in the way that she has depression and she just flipped out. I asked my friend if I was like that, and she told me yes.

I don't have any memory of that. I guess I've basically repressed all of that. I don't really want to remember it, either.

I'm still struggling. I'm still having bad days. But I'm alive, at least.

My insomnia is back in full swing. I'm awkwardly twitchy during the day and when I lay down to sleep, I can't lay still. I get up and clean up my purse or draw or text someone who won't respond until morning.

I'm going insane.

But I'm happy. I'm still smiling and still getting up in the morning (ha, usually because I haven't quite gone to sleep yet)

I lied to my doctor today about my sleeping schedule. I don't want more drugs.

Now I'm going to go to bed and listen to Jack's Mannequin and play sims.