barely taking it:

cobra tomorrow. i can't take this anymore!

"when i say weak ass you say bitch":

greatest thing ever.

this is flattery these days:

gaylor goes home: anyway i was watching Criminal Minds earlier
gaylor goes home: and in the episode these three best friends got kidnapepd and were put in this little cell, and it was cold and they didn't have any food or water for a week and the girls started fighting, and the dude that kidnapped them said two of you can leave alive if one of you stays to die
gaylor goes home: and they were like what nooo and then he was like oh but you have to chose to stays
gaylor goes home: choose*
gaylor goes home: and they were like no! but then they were fighting and stuff like, arguing. and then two of the girls were like well the other girl is sick, so she'll probably die anyway. we can get out! and they were like ok we decided who leaves! and the guy threw two hammers into the cell
gaylor goes home: and they were like wtf we have to kill her ourselves?
seized the brave: omg are you kidding me?
gaylor goes home: and so while the two that initially agreed to kill the other friend so they could leave were fighting, the sick friend got up behind the meaner girl and whacked her in the back of the head with a hammer
gaylor goes home: and i was just thinking
gaylor goes home: i would never, ever do that to anyone and i don't think you would either so if i had to be stuck in a cell for a week
gaylor goes home: i'd want it to be with you

another reason:

patientxnxteddy: And once I couldn't see the car, I drove without thinking to teh park because I just knew. No matter what its you and that park.

honestly, i love you because of this comment.

i'm sentimental, but last time I checked that wasn't bad:

Today was one of those days where I was overwhelmed with emotions. Happy, Sad, Dorky, Angry, if it's an emotion, it was me today.

Today I hung out with Sara, Jakob, and Eric. It started out with Sara and Jakob coming here to watch tv, ending up with me and Eric standing out at my grandma's house kissing. Isn't it funny how things change?

One part of my day that stands out, is Eric and I hiding from Sara and Jakob. Going to the park. My park. That special place of mine. And I was struck with the memories of my life, what was it? Eight months ago? My grandpa died about that long ago and my life did a 180. And honestly, I hated him. I hated him for dying and leaving me here all alone. He was one person I could depend on and he was gone in a flash. I'll never forget that day. Ever. But today wasn't about that.

And this post won't be either.

Today I found myself standing at the park, on the sidelines but still a part of it. I stood watching Eric, Jakob, and Sara, two of those people being contributing factors to the reason I get up and out of bed in the morning, playing on the merry-go-round thing. It was freezing cold with snow coming down and sticking to our hair, but we still stayed there going round and round and I still stood by the swings and watched. And I was flashed back to six months ago, nearly to the day, when a group of my closest friends went downtown to hang out. And then there were people who I still can't believe had the lasting effect that they have.

I remember going to the park, it was very, very close to the fourth of July. And we were on that and we were all spinning around in circles. This was back before anything happened with Eric and I, back when Tyler and I still tried to make things work. Back when Sara and I still talked about the stupidest things, but she was still too untrusting to tell me everything about her. Back before things happened. We were going around in circles and laughing and loving and caring about each other.

Today brought that feeling back. Things have changed. Things have happened. Boyfriends stood in the way of friendship, new crushes, crushes have turned into boyfriends and things have changed. I've been in counselling and have grown to the point where a year ago I would have said you were crazy if this could have been predicted.

But today, standing and watching them, my friends, go around in circles after everything brought me back to that time. Back when I thought my life was absolutely perfect and I wanted to relive that day. That park, the only park in town still remaining with a decent swingset, my park, our park, the park that time forgot. That merry-go-round brings back the happiest memories. Sometimes I think it's magic, and spins me back in time.

Being there with Sara today made me think. Our friendship has been tested over the last few months. Sara means so much to me for many reasons, but one that stands out to me today is the fact that she couldn't have came into my life at a better time. She emerged as a genuine friend to me when I needed her the most, just a few weeks after my grandpa died. And unlike most people, she's stuck through and been there for me ever since. And rain, sunshine, snow, no matter the weather she'll be there for me. Just like my heart and my memories will always be at that park.

i'll swim the ocean for you, the ocean for you:

first kiss, being held, being loved. being grabbed and kissed and kissed while cudding on the couch and kissed when i'm dropped off at home. kisses kisses kisses.

i'm happy.

ps. if i could make out to any song in the world, it would be kelsey by metro station

on top of the world:

pictures from the other night. feeling alive. happy. you won't see me in these because ha! i was the photographer of course.

this is how i feel, it's so so real.

these two people mean alot to me. possibly more than they could ever imagine.

i love the colors in these pictures. :]

do you ever feel alive like this?

i'd like to think they'd call me unique:

i've always been a dreamer. i've always been the kid with the overactive imagination, always thinking up worlds that would be better than the one i live in. i've always pretended to be someone else because it's so much easier than being myself. my stories were always prancing around in my head, and still are, and its sometimes hard to focus on something.

i've always been the kid who hates change. i've always wanted things my way. i'm selfish, bratty, and spoiled. i set my mind to things and want them right away, and then get upset when things to go the way i want them to.

i like to exaggerate things, i like to make up things. i love living.

one day there will be a celebration throughout oz that's all to do with me:

"2007 was the best year of my life.
i've never found so much. i've never
grown so much.
And yet, it also feels true to say that 2007 was the hardest
year of my
life.
i've never lost so much, and i've never hurt so
much.

Perhaps you can relate."

This quote is all too true for me. This last year I have lost my grandpa and have had dozens of new responsibilities shoved on me. I was forced to grow up, to learn to take care of myself, to push myself away enough so that i wouldn't be so lost when someone wasn't there for me. I changed as a person, from this naive, shallow girl to something that i haven't quite figured out yet.

i'm still naive, i'm still shallow, i'm still a kid who knows nothing about the world.

but now i believe in love, i believe in loss. i believe in hate, regret, and all these other things that i pushed myself to stop believing in in the past.

i'm not happy, i'm nowhere near happy, but i'm trying.

i can't wait to see you again:

god i'm such a girlie girl all of a sudden. i get excited when eric texts me and a tad sad when he's not. i like being around him, i like talking to him, i enjoy going out and doing things with him. even WORKING with him makes me happy and excited.

tonight we went to go see alvin and the chipmonks. cutest movie ever, i laughed the whole way through. then we went to java jive and i decided to not be a wimp and order something hot. keep in mind that i just got the same thing i always get, just the...hot version? lmao idk.

and then he kissed me on the cheek when i got home and even that made me feel giddy and girlie and i like it alot. :]

why he is amazing:

"I'm so tired and cold."

"Me tooo"

"I don't want to go to school tomorrow. Maybe I'll stay home."

"No! You can't!"

"Well. Maybe I'll just skip everything and then come for forensics to see you!"

"And give me a ride home?"

"Of course!"

hooked on phonics would be great for me:

seized the brave: LMAO YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO SPELL DEFINITELY EITHER?
frail as breath: NO
seized the brave: i always spell it definately
frail as breath: ME TOO OMG
seized the brave: lol at me *~sounding out my words
frail as breath: hahaha
seized the brave: DEF-FIN-NATE-LEE
frail as breath: lolz
seized the brave: i'm going to spell it deffinnatelee now
frail as breath: WAY TO GET OFF THE SUBJECT
seized the brave: deffinnatelee
frail as breath: =[
seized the brave: lmao that's alot of work to type that out
frail as breath: lol
seized the brave: HAY-LEE
seized the brave: I LOVE YOU HAY-LEE
frail as breath: OMG
frail as breath: STOP SOUNDING OUT YOUR WORDS
seized the brave: :[
seized the brave: BUT ITS WHAT THEY TAUGHT ME IN KIN-DER-GUARD-TEN

you don't have to worry, we're still the same:

the first day of the new year was fantastic, a day that truly gives me hope about this new year.

despite getting up incredibly early (8 am) after going to bed very late (5ish am) and feeling pretty much dead all day, it was still fun. i spent a good part of the day with my family, and then work where everyone was out of it and happy and fun.

i have this overwhelming feeling of goodness over me right now and that can only be good.

[i don't really want to talk about how i stood outside yesterday and screamed at nothing/my dead grandpa because i secretly blame him for everything that has happened to me over the last year. i don't want to feel that way.]

resolutions that i definitely won't stick to, but i'll tryy:

• no fights with haley.
• no fights with sara.
• smiles on my face, true genuine smiles.
• convince my parents to let me go to north carolina
• learn how to spell DEFINITELY without a spell check.

that is all! :]