2007 in short!
january: for the life of me, i can't remember very much about this month. i remember haley getting grounded and being bored more than i could possibly handle. I began writing even more than ever, filling notebooks of things i would never let anyone read. I let ruth back in my life.
february: began planning things to do for my birthday and couldn't come up with anything. started writing even MORE. Panic attacks started and sleeping was low.
march: began getting less excited about my birthday. ruth came up for spring break. sweet sixteen and not-so-happy. i did nothing fun for my birthday and stayed home. cried.
april: santi came out, it was a huge disappointment. sick for most of the month.
may: worst month of my life. honda civic was on the eighteenth and i lost my grandpa the day after. first day i'd ever seen most of my family cry in a long time. heartbroken.
june: summer begins. lots of talking to my best friend. another friend became more than i could imagine starting this month. my friendship with sara blossomed and stayed strong. jules left.
july: the fourth was amazing, a voice post with haley, fireworks, and unlimited texting. more hanging with friends.
august: back to school, end of summer. sleeping stops and depression gets bad again. cried myself to sleep every day. started working at cassanos.
september: school, school, school. that's all i remember about this month. oh, and i got put in counselling
october: key club was introduced to my life. i spent a fun weekend at key leader, grieved over the three year anniversary of ruth moving. key club halloween party. met hannah montana!
november: happy birthday bff! haley's birthday and fun fun fun. spent a lot of time with haley and enjoyed living life to the fullest.
december: too much to say. too many ups and downs and suicidal thoughts. christmas was fun, new years was even more so. broke up with tyler and started dating eric. i'm having fun.
happy new year!
Monday, December 31, 2007
Sunday, December 30, 2007
i have six million things to talk about and not enough time to do it!
it's been forever since i've posted anything remotely interesting about my so-called life, so here goes. A long, overdue rambling about the last month of my life.
First of all, when I think about the last few months, the first thing that comes to mind is how Tyler and I broke up. Well yeah, we did. And it was about time too. I can't honestly say why I stayed with him for so long. Maybe it was because I liked the idea of having a boyfriend, while in reality, it wasn't all that fantastic. I realized that I was unhappy and I needed to change something, and the first thing that came to mind was getting him out. At least in the romantic kind of way (ha, like we were ever romantic at all). So I dumped him. And then I asked Eric out because, well, I like him. I like him alot and I've liked him for a long time and it's probably about time I own up to that.
Eric and I work together in a million ways that Tyler and I never did and never would. For one, I feel the intense need to talk to him everyday, where with Tyler I could go weeks without talking to him or even noticing his absence from my life. Or even caring. With Eric I enjoy talking to him every day and I notice when he's not around. I care. I need to stop comparing Eric and Tyler because I don't want my whole relationship with him to be a comparison.
Another relationship I have that has grown over this past month or so is my relationship with Sara. I've opened up to her in ways that I've never felt possible with another human being, and she has proved her impact in my life. She's the person I text when I can feel my life falling apart and she's the first one to rush over to help pick up the pieces. Haley is the same way, but Sara does it differently. Sometimes Sara just being in the room with me is enough to calm and comfort me. I enjoy seeing and talking to her everyday and I care that she's not around, which is more than I can say about most people I surround myself with.
This has turned into a big sap fest and I want to save that for tomorrow night when I recap the whole 2007 thing. For now, so long.
First of all, when I think about the last few months, the first thing that comes to mind is how Tyler and I broke up. Well yeah, we did. And it was about time too. I can't honestly say why I stayed with him for so long. Maybe it was because I liked the idea of having a boyfriend, while in reality, it wasn't all that fantastic. I realized that I was unhappy and I needed to change something, and the first thing that came to mind was getting him out. At least in the romantic kind of way (ha, like we were ever romantic at all). So I dumped him. And then I asked Eric out because, well, I like him. I like him alot and I've liked him for a long time and it's probably about time I own up to that.
Eric and I work together in a million ways that Tyler and I never did and never would. For one, I feel the intense need to talk to him everyday, where with Tyler I could go weeks without talking to him or even noticing his absence from my life. Or even caring. With Eric I enjoy talking to him every day and I notice when he's not around. I care. I need to stop comparing Eric and Tyler because I don't want my whole relationship with him to be a comparison.
Another relationship I have that has grown over this past month or so is my relationship with Sara. I've opened up to her in ways that I've never felt possible with another human being, and she has proved her impact in my life. She's the person I text when I can feel my life falling apart and she's the first one to rush over to help pick up the pieces. Haley is the same way, but Sara does it differently. Sometimes Sara just being in the room with me is enough to calm and comfort me. I enjoy seeing and talking to her everyday and I care that she's not around, which is more than I can say about most people I surround myself with.
This has turned into a big sap fest and I want to save that for tomorrow night when I recap the whole 2007 thing. For now, so long.
Sunday, December 23, 2007
lmao, i love christmas:
"Do you think they'd let me be Mary?"
"Probably not, they usually only let the adults be Mary"
"BUT YOU HAVE TO BE A VIRGIN TO BE MARY! "
"....What?"
"I just don't think it's fair that all the sluts get to be Mary."
this gives ho ho ho a whole new meaning.
"Probably not, they usually only let the adults be Mary"
"BUT YOU HAVE TO BE A VIRGIN TO BE MARY! "
"....What?"
"I just don't think it's fair that all the sluts get to be Mary."
this gives ho ho ho a whole new meaning.
Sunday, December 16, 2007
Thursday, December 6, 2007
it's that time of year again:
I stood outside today and watched the snow come down around me, watching it cover the ground oh so slowly, watching it transform my lovely kingdom into this winter wonderland. When I was a little kid I always felt like a princess (ha! i still do!) and the snow was my ice kingdom.
I love snow. I don't want this to melt. I want to stay home tomorrow and watch it all day. All day all day!
I love snow. I don't want this to melt. I want to stay home tomorrow and watch it all day. All day all day!
Wednesday, December 5, 2007
why is it that:
why is it that every time i start to feel better, life crashes down on me and makes me want to slit my throat?
why is it that my family doesn't give a shit about what i'm saying to them?
why is it that the most important person in my life was cruely ripped away from me when i needed him the most?
why can't i keep a friend?
why is it that i can't make myself be happy, that i spend my money without thinking because i'm afraid that i won't be alive long enough to do something cool with it?
why is it that my family doesn't give a shit about what i'm saying to them?
why is it that the most important person in my life was cruely ripped away from me when i needed him the most?
why can't i keep a friend?
why is it that i can't make myself be happy, that i spend my money without thinking because i'm afraid that i won't be alive long enough to do something cool with it?
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