and to be completely honest, you're not like all the rest.

In the last eight years of my life, I've had my ups and downs with depression, and this blog is a testament to exactly that. It's seen me at my worsts, and at my bests. I started this blog in July 2007 - it's been almost four years to the date! - as a way to cope with the loss of my grandfather and my crippling depression. I've gone through stages since then with this blog, where I'm writing almost constantly to where there's no updates for months at a time. But this blog, this place has always been there for me and my thoughts.

I stopped writing in March. Or maybe before that, but March seems to be the best example of exactly what happened. But I need to write again. I need to let those thoughts out and let myself feel.

I never wrote about losing my grandmother, my Mamaw. I wasn't strong enough at the time, and I'm still not sure if I'm capable of doing it now. I don't think I can force myself to do it tonight, or maybe not anytime soon. But that's okay, because writing about it and acknowledging that it happened will happen sooner or later. But right now, I'm not quite ready.