Dear you:

One year ago tonight I was sitting on the floor of your living room, sunburnt and physically exhausted, but my adrenaline was still pumping. I was rushing my words and trying to get everything that had happened that day out to you and your boyfriend. even though I knew you probably didn’t care because you’d never been to a concert. So Warped Tour didn’t mean much to you. Neither did the idea of seeing your favorite bands. You couldn’t understand the way that it felt for me to be in the crowds, watching the musicians that put me into a restless sleep every night do their thing up on stage. But you listened anyway, you know. You listened because you cared about me. Because you, at that point in time, would probably have done anything for me.
One year later and I still wonder if it’s because you felt sorry for me. I hope to God it wasn’t. You both meant so much to me. Both You and Him. You were the people I went to when I couldn’t breathe, the people I imed when the anxiety and bad feelings were making it impossible to close my eyes or unclench my fists. I could tell you anything, and you listened. You may not have understood what I felt like, but you tried so hard to fix it for me. And lastly, it was you two that saved my life.

You gave me hope. People to turn to when no one else would believe me. And on July 10th, 2008, you were the people that helped me decide that I needed help. You were the reasons I checked myself into the hospital. You were the reasons I started to feel better. You were my support system. You weren’t the only people that made me get better, and my god you weren’t the most important people either. But you were my columns. You were the physical things that held me up.

Now, it’s a year later and we don’t talk anymore. You don’t answer my texts, and more than half the time you don’t answer when I im you. I miss you both more than you could ever imagine. I miss talking to you. I miss telling you things. I miss laughing with you and making up stupid inside jokes.

More than anything though, I just wish I had my best friends back.