halloween is her best time of year:

i don't think i can take this anymore

my one comfort item is basically ruined, thanks to you two. thanks for not trusting me enough to go up to my own room, forcing me to have my brother go get it. thanks for allowing him to hug it, thanks for letting him get it to smell like him, and now it's just not the same.

now it doesn't smell like haley and pizza.

it smells like this house and thousands of horrible memories.

i'm sorry

i'm sorry that you decided not to tell me anything, i'm sorry that you decided that i act like your mother, i'm sorry that i'm fucking worried. You keep telling me that theres nothing to be worried about, but I disagree. You not sleeping worries me. You not moving as fast as you normally do worries me. The way you never smile worries me. The fact that you call me crying worries me. Goddamn it. I don't need to explain myself. You're my fucking best friend, and I care.

I'm not going to stand around while you're miserable. I'm not going to watch you tear yourself apart. I know you're depressed, don't lie to me. But god, stop pushing me away and let me help.

I care Sara. I really do. I'm scared for you.

li/oving.

i love these kids. every last one of them.

she is cheesy, she is scrawny with her uncanny styling. i'm teasing she is pleasing.

you know, i talk about my friends alot, especially haley. but there is one person in my life that i don't talk about simply because i can't find the words to describe how much she means to me, and that is my best friend sara.

sara is one of those people that you don't yell at. you get mad and then get over it. there's no fights. no screaming. just me and her and i love it. she's my friend that i can spend hours with analyzing william's movements in an episode of mtv live, finding out why william seems to be fucking butcher, or rewinding to see a bit of bulge. driving around with the windows down blasting fall out boy, or panic!, or tai or whatever we're wanting at the time. going through the park, driving to the outskirts of town. we make the best of the time we spend together.

and sometimes, sometimes spending time with her makes me ache for summer to be back, but most of the time i'm just happy to be with someone. sara means more to me than i can express. we joke about william and gabe and everyone else on fbr, gossip about the lastest on fbr_trash, go to mcdonalds and burger king and java jive in the same night.

and that's just tonight. i can't wait to see what the rest of high school brings us.

i love you, you mean so much to me.

we're probably racist, but we're fun:

"I know how to fly plane, but me no know how to land! but that's okay, me no need to!"

.............

and;

"HEY ANDREW, WHAT COMES ON THE MUSLIM PIZZA?!"

..............

i love my job.

i've never been so

i feel really scared right now. and weak from crying for 6 hours straight? i guess that makes sense.

school time. eugh.

your smile stretch from here to la

last night at work i got so nervous/scared/anxious and it was so crazy. towards the end i was dying to come home, and i was trying to hurry but even that isn't a distraction to what was going on in my head. its a mix of emotions and thoughts that come too fast for them to register and it really freaks me out. I don't know, I guess it's stupid to get so worked up over something.

I'm trying to think of something interesting to say? The other night i shoved a knife through my foot? Is that interesting enough for you?

I don't want to go to work today, I really don't. The very idea is making me want to curl into a ball and sleep for days. and when i get home today, I might just do that.

but until then, I have to go to work and earn money. boring? yes.