you look like the songs i've heard my whole life coming true

i love the soft nights. the quiet time where every noise is mine, mine to control and enjoy. the hum of my laptop, the tapping of keys, the soft music. everything. everything that makes me feel so at peace. i'm really going to miss this when i have to go back to school. i'm going to miss talking to haley at two in the morning. at three. at four. at any time of the day i ever want. i'm going to miss hanging out with sara and alexa as much as i do.

and yet, i'm completely excited for school to start. because i know that this year is going to be better. it has to be better. plus the rewards of this year will be amazing. all i have to do is get my grades up and a visit to haley is in the works. i promise i'll make this happen. i want this more than anything i've ever wanted before. more than nicole moving back to hannibal, more than mike carden pledging his undying love more me. what i want is to see haley in person, to be able to hug her and tell her how much she means to me.

this year is going to save me. i'm excited to go back to school and be surrounded everyday by these people that love and care about me. i need that. i need to see them again and be with those hugs. even as much as i see sara and alexa, its truely never enough. i've let them slip into my life and now they mean more to me than i could have ever imagined.

so this year: i will stop being so overemotional. i won't be overdramatic. i'll cut out everyone that isn't healthy for me to be around. i'll get away from everyone who has ever hurt me. i'll do my homework and get good grades. i'll do these things because i fear what could happen if i don't.

to the people who treat me like trash: get out.
to the people i hug: keep me close to you.
to the people i cry to: you are trusted.
to those people i call baby: you are loved.
to those people i say 'i love you' to: i mean it.
to the people i remind often: you are needed.
to the people who can say it back: thank you.
to the people that mean it: stay in my life forever.
to the one person who can make me smile always: stay close to me always. never leave me and always be there for me.

i'll do the same for you.