i'm so sorry, i'm so, so sorry.

i'm so so so so so sorry.

but it'd be lying to say that i don't ache the way the blade feels on my wrist right now.

something just crashed, help me.

apparently alice cullen is hungry:

the sea shores (5:40:56 PM): VAMPIRES HAVE IT GOOD
the sea shores (5:41:01 PM): THEY CAN'T GET SICK.
marena de cheval (5:41:05 PM): then what are you?!
the sea shores (5:43:24 PM): : i was speaking as a human tbqh
marena de cheval (5:44:30 PM): ....
marena de cheval (5:44:34 PM): is there something you're not telling me?
marena de cheval (5:44:35 PM): alice?
marena de cheval (5:44:39 PM): if that is your real name.
the sea shores (5:44:56 PM): *slaps you*
the sea shores (5:45:03 PM): YES THAT IS MY REAL NAME.
the sea shores (5:45:12 PM): GO BACK TO FALLING OVER.
marena de cheval (5:45:23 PM): I DON'T NEED YOUR HELP IN FALLING OVER.
the sea shores (5:46:07 PM): I SEE A FALL IN YOUR FUTURE
marena de cheval (5:46:24 PM): NO, YOU DO NOT.
the sea shores (5:47:11 PM): DONT QUESTION MY POWERS.
marena de cheval (5:47:48 PM): YOUR POWERS ARE SLIPPING, YOU DIDN'T SEE THE VAMPIRE COME INTO MY BEDROOM!
the sea shores (5:48:08 PM): I WASN'T FOCUSING ON THAT BELLA
the sea shores (5:48:18 PM): JESUS YOU'RE DIFFICULT TODAY.
marena de cheval (5:48:32 PM): AREN'T YOU SUPPOSED TO BE LOOKING OUT FOR MY SAFETY
the sea shores (5:48:54 PM): THERE ISNT DANGER RIGHT NOW
marena de cheval (5:49:04 PM): FALLING.
the sea shores (5:49:16 PM): THAT'S AVERAGE DANGER.
marena de cheval (5:49:26 PM): EDWARD WILL NOT BE PLEASED.
the sea shores (5:51:04 PM): YOU NEED TO REMEMBER THAT DESPITE MY HEIGHT, I CAN KICK HIS ASS.
marena de cheval (5:53:14 PM): PSH, YEAH RIGHT.
the sea shores (5:53:27 PM): PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT.
the sea shores (5:53:28 PM): FINE.
the sea shores (5:53:50 PM): WHEN EDWARD AND CARLISLE TELL YOU THAT THEY'RE NOT GOING TO TURN YOU INTO A VAMPIRE, YOU CAN'T COME TO ME.
the sea shores (5:53:53 PM): :
the sea shores (5:53:57 PM): HOW ABOUT
the sea shores (5:53:59 PM): THEM
the sea shores (5:54:01 PM): APPLES?
marena de cheval (5:54:16 PM): edward wouldn't do that to me.
the sea shores (5:54:41 PM): Or so you think.
marena de cheval (5:54:45 PM): what do you see.
the sea shores (5:55:02 PM): I'm not telling.
the sea shores (5:55:05 PM): You're being mean.
the sea shores (5:55:08 PM): And I'm hungry.
marena de cheval (5:55:17 PM): hungry?
the sea shores (5:55:26 PM): HUNGRY
marena de cheval (5:55:35 PM): what color are your eyes?!
the sea shores (5:55:50 PM): NOT ~*~*TOPAZ*~**~
marena de cheval (5:56:05 PM): yeah well i'm still safe!
the sea shores (5:57:22 PM): FOR NOW.

my balance issues are ruining me:

marena de cheval: well, its time for me to go jump off a cliff!
the sea shores: nonononono
marena de cheval: lmao yes
marena de cheval: i'm all in to extreme sports these days
the sea shores: HAHAHHAHAH
marena de cheval: but srsly, i always said if pete wentz got married and started to reproduce, i was going to jump off a cliff.
the sea shores: NO
the sea shores: DON'T JUMP OFF A CLIFF
marena de cheval: you can come too!
the sea shores: I NEED SOMEONE TO SQUEEL OVER RPATTZ WITH
the sea shores: NONONO
the sea shores: I WANT TO LIIVEEEEEE.
the sea shores: oh wait
the sea shores: i'm immortal
the sea shores: WELL I STILL WANT TO LIIIIVEEEEEEEEEe
marena de cheval: wanna jump off a cliff with me?
the sea shores: no.
the sea shores: :
the sea shores: BE REASONABLE, BELLA*~*~*~
marena de cheval: okay, if you insist i'll keep both feet on the ground!
marena de cheval: but, knowing me it might be safer to say "i won't jump off a cliff."
marena de cheval: because you know about my balance issues.

"jasper is touching edward again!":

Tonight was fun and healthy in ways that my friendships haven't been lately. tonight was proof that friendships don't have to be a huge effort. malissie and brandi are proof of how amazing friends can be. malissie has been there since my freshman year, maybe in different forms, but lately she's proved herself to be more of just a friend. she's becoming my best friend and i'm thrilled. brandi i haven't really talked to since freshman year, but today we reconnected.

it was nice to be able to call someone and say "hey! wanna hang out" and them say yes. it was nice for them to be happy to see me. for us to gossip about twilight and playing wii and just hanging out. it was nice.

i hope i can do it again soon. because maybe it'll give me the strenth to smile. and more importantly, it'll give me the strength to push away the people that are hurting me. and there's more than one.

twilight is taking over my life:

today was fun. just the first shift of work put me in an amazing mood. hanging out with malissie and tyler and being characters from twilight. i'm bella (i fall down a lot), she's edward (idk why, but it was so fun), and tyler is jacob. and as soon as she went on break, i dropped a thing of unfolded boxes on my head. she got back and i slid into a counter. then i dropped some stuff and almost fell down a lot.

when i say i'm bella, i mean it.

vampires will never hurt you:

marena de cheval (6:33:03 PM): aliceeee <33>the sea shores (6:33:09 PM): bella<33>marena de cheval (6:33:57 PM): bella loves alice more
the sea shores (6:34:49 PM): impossible.
marena de cheval (6:34:55 PM): WANNA BET ON IT?
the sea shores (6:34:59 PM): i've loved you longer, but you didn't know it yet.
the sea shores (6:35:03 PM): I SEE THE FUCKING FUTURE.