Our Hearts Are Heavy And Light:

we laugh and scream and sing.

Heart of Mine:

How do you measure a friendship?

Do you measure it by the amount of times you see the other person? Or the amount of times you talk to a person on the phone? Or better, do you measure your friendship based on how much they do for you? I've been asked before how I describe my friendship with Ruth. The truth is that I can't. I can describe the things we do together, or the things we talk about when we're on skype or on the phone. But what I can't express is the love I feel for this girl.

Ruth has said before:

"The friends that matter the most are meant for each other. After years and wars, they are still one soul in the same body. My best friend is the love of my life. Why, for you to love someone, does it have to be considered sexual? Does there need to be a physical attraction?"

And I think that's the closest that I've come to describing how I feel about her. I consider her to be the part of my soul that was never put inside my body. As she would describe it, she fills the gaps in my personality that I cannot. When I don't have her in my life, every other friendship I have starts to crumble. I start to crumble. Without her, I do not feel whole. Some people I know would counter to that with "But you're without her all the time, you only see her once a year". And that's the technical way to look at it, but what they don't understand is that I talk to Ruth almost every day. Through skype or texts or the phone, and if we're really busy, an @reply on twitter will suffice. And while these forms of communication will never fill the 1000mile gap between us, it does make it a little easier. There are also things about her that I can't explain. Like the utter relief I feel whenever she is near. Or the way my heart leaps the instant I see her, as though it's other half is finally back. I can't explain how her voice has a way of soothing me instantly, or the way one mean word from her can crush my entire day. She is my soulmate. The most permanent thing I have.

Some people have scoffed at the idea of me moving to Texas. Laughing it off as me just wanting to be near my friend. But the truth is, that's EXACTLY it. I want to be near my friend. Some would consider that to be a dumb reason to move, but I have to move somewhere, don't I? I'm not staying in Missouri for the rest of my life, and moving to Texas to be with Ruth seems like the next best thing. On the ride home from Chicago, Ruth and I discussed this. Like I told her, I want to be near her for the rest of my life. I want my kids - if I have kids - to know her. She fills my holes, and who's to say that she won't fill the gaps in my kids' lives too? Regardless of others' opinions on my life, I will be moving to Texas to be near her.

Now that that's settled, I just need to get her warmed up on the idea of a Star Wars wedding.

and maybe we're a little too much like winnie the pooh:

goodgirlsgoruth: OKAY BYE I LOVE YOU POOKIE
vosetoiless: BYE BOO.
vosetoiless: I LOVE YOU TOO.
vosetoiless: LIKE KANGA LOVES ROO.
goodgirlsgoruth: AWWWWWW
goodgirlsgoruth: I'M ROO I'M ROO
vosetoiless: CAN I BE KANGA?
goodgirlsgoruth: YA

would you rather have online friends or in real life friends?

There is no easy way to answer this question, to be honest. The simple answer would be that I would prefer to have in real life friends, but not in the way that you're thinking.

Through the Internet, I have met dozens of wonderful, amazing people that I am blessed to have in my life. Through the Internet, I have also met a ton of bitches, but that's another story. I am thankful to have these people in my life, however they do not take the place of the friends that I have here.

I would be perfectly happy to have these same online friends here with me, instead of miles away. Because - excluding the people I know at school, who I won't be seeing for quite some time - the people I know in real life kind of suck.

You see I've got this American Love...

best friends, ex friends until the end.

this girl is my best friend in the entire world, and her name is ruth.

How do you think your life would be different if your best friend had never moved away?

Ideally, we would still be friends, the only difference is that she would be here and not 1000 miles away from me. We'd probably be going to the same college, if not roommates.

However, the truth is that I don't know what my life would have been like if she stayed. I don't know if she would have turned into any other friendship I've ever had, where they've been more of time/place friendships that I have always had trouble putting effort into. I don't know if we would have been friends in high school or if we had, would we have survived graduation?

Most people won't believe me when I say this, but I'm glad she doesn't live here anymore. It turned our bullshit, preteen friendship into a real friendship that I cherish. I know that she'll be my friend for the rest of my life, regardless of where she is.

You see I've got this American Love...

sunsets and fireflies (a summer mix)

When I think of summer, I think of it in a couple different ways. I think of the bright, sunny days that leave me driving around with the windows down and blasting music that I love. However, there's also nights like tonight. Nights where I am sitting here in a bittersweet mood, enjoying light music and smiling. That's what's reflected in this playlist. Enjoy.

1. Yearlong Winter - Punchline
2. The Mixed Tape (Cover) - Vedera
3. Coney Island - Good Old War
4. Shine Baby Shine - Catch The Sunrise
5. The Best Happiness Money Can Buy - I Can Make A Mess Like Nobodies Business
6. Dutch Courage - The Spill Canvas
7. I Will Follow You Into The Dark - Death Cab For Cutie
8. Karma Police - Radiohead
9. O Valencia! - The Decemberists
10. Your Only Escape - Gatsby's American Dream
11. All You Did Was Save My Life - Our Lady Peace
12. When Did Your Heart Go Missing - Rooney
13. 15 Steps - Radiohead
14. I'm Sorry I Told You All My Problems - Days Away
15. Sunsets and Car Crashes - The Spill Canvas
16. T. Kline's Decline - Days Away

you can download this mix here.