on top of the world:

pictures from the other night. feeling alive. happy. you won't see me in these because ha! i was the photographer of course.

this is how i feel, it's so so real.

these two people mean alot to me. possibly more than they could ever imagine.

i love the colors in these pictures. :]

do you ever feel alive like this?

i'd like to think they'd call me unique:

i've always been a dreamer. i've always been the kid with the overactive imagination, always thinking up worlds that would be better than the one i live in. i've always pretended to be someone else because it's so much easier than being myself. my stories were always prancing around in my head, and still are, and its sometimes hard to focus on something.

i've always been the kid who hates change. i've always wanted things my way. i'm selfish, bratty, and spoiled. i set my mind to things and want them right away, and then get upset when things to go the way i want them to.

i like to exaggerate things, i like to make up things. i love living.

one day there will be a celebration throughout oz that's all to do with me:

"2007 was the best year of my life.
i've never found so much. i've never
grown so much.
And yet, it also feels true to say that 2007 was the hardest
year of my
life.
i've never lost so much, and i've never hurt so
much.

Perhaps you can relate."

This quote is all too true for me. This last year I have lost my grandpa and have had dozens of new responsibilities shoved on me. I was forced to grow up, to learn to take care of myself, to push myself away enough so that i wouldn't be so lost when someone wasn't there for me. I changed as a person, from this naive, shallow girl to something that i haven't quite figured out yet.

i'm still naive, i'm still shallow, i'm still a kid who knows nothing about the world.

but now i believe in love, i believe in loss. i believe in hate, regret, and all these other things that i pushed myself to stop believing in in the past.

i'm not happy, i'm nowhere near happy, but i'm trying.

i can't wait to see you again:

god i'm such a girlie girl all of a sudden. i get excited when eric texts me and a tad sad when he's not. i like being around him, i like talking to him, i enjoy going out and doing things with him. even WORKING with him makes me happy and excited.

tonight we went to go see alvin and the chipmonks. cutest movie ever, i laughed the whole way through. then we went to java jive and i decided to not be a wimp and order something hot. keep in mind that i just got the same thing i always get, just the...hot version? lmao idk.

and then he kissed me on the cheek when i got home and even that made me feel giddy and girlie and i like it alot. :]

why he is amazing:

"I'm so tired and cold."

"Me tooo"

"I don't want to go to school tomorrow. Maybe I'll stay home."

"No! You can't!"

"Well. Maybe I'll just skip everything and then come for forensics to see you!"

"And give me a ride home?"

"Of course!"

hooked on phonics would be great for me:

seized the brave: LMAO YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO SPELL DEFINITELY EITHER?
frail as breath: NO
seized the brave: i always spell it definately
frail as breath: ME TOO OMG
seized the brave: lol at me *~sounding out my words
frail as breath: hahaha
seized the brave: DEF-FIN-NATE-LEE
frail as breath: lolz
seized the brave: i'm going to spell it deffinnatelee now
frail as breath: WAY TO GET OFF THE SUBJECT
seized the brave: deffinnatelee
frail as breath: =[
seized the brave: lmao that's alot of work to type that out
frail as breath: lol
seized the brave: HAY-LEE
seized the brave: I LOVE YOU HAY-LEE
frail as breath: OMG
frail as breath: STOP SOUNDING OUT YOUR WORDS
seized the brave: :[
seized the brave: BUT ITS WHAT THEY TAUGHT ME IN KIN-DER-GUARD-TEN

you don't have to worry, we're still the same:

the first day of the new year was fantastic, a day that truly gives me hope about this new year.

despite getting up incredibly early (8 am) after going to bed very late (5ish am) and feeling pretty much dead all day, it was still fun. i spent a good part of the day with my family, and then work where everyone was out of it and happy and fun.

i have this overwhelming feeling of goodness over me right now and that can only be good.

[i don't really want to talk about how i stood outside yesterday and screamed at nothing/my dead grandpa because i secretly blame him for everything that has happened to me over the last year. i don't want to feel that way.]

resolutions that i definitely won't stick to, but i'll tryy:

• no fights with haley.
• no fights with sara.
• smiles on my face, true genuine smiles.
• convince my parents to let me go to north carolina
• learn how to spell DEFINITELY without a spell check.

that is all! :]